If your dog could speak human words, what would they say? Here’s an interpretation of how a conversation might go with your dog.


This post is adapted from a funny meme I saw recently:

If Dogs Could Talk Blog Article

Dog: What Doing?

Me: Nothing. I just stood up.

Dog: Where Go?

Me: I’m going to get a drink.

Dog: Can I Come?

Me: I’m not really going anywhere, but sure.

Dog: I Come Too. What Doing?

Me: I’m opening the refrigerator door.

Dog: I Help.

Me: Thank you, but you’re blocking the door.

Dog: Sorry. I Just Helping.

Me: Can you move please?

Dog: Did You Say Food? I Like Food.

Me: No, I didn’t say food. I’m getting a drink.

Dog: Did You Hear That?

Me: What?

Dog: Car Drove By.  I Protected You. I Get Treat?

Me: Um, sure (tosses treat).

Dog: I Love You.

Me: I Love You Too.

Dog: I Go Outside?

Me: You just came in.

Dog: I Need Go Pee. And I Think Squirrel Is Back.

(puts Dog outside)

30 seconds later…

Dog: I Come In?

Me: Make up your mind…

Dog: I Come In.

Dog: What Doing?

(Cycle Repeats)


When I imagine how my dog would sound, I always think he’d sound like a silly cartoon character, but what if it was the opposite? What if our dogs were well spoken intellectuals?

Dog: For where are you going sir?

Me: I need a drink.

Dog: Did you not just remove yourself from this location recently?

Me: Um, yeah, but I’m thirsty.

Dog: Perhaps I’ll follow you to witness what exactly it is you’re doing.

Me: I’m just going over there.

Dog: I believe I’ll escort you to said location.

Me: Okay.

Dog: I’ll just stand here in front of you until your activity is completed.

Me: You’re in the way. Can you move?

Dog: I hope you’ll please pardon my indiscretion.

Me: Um, sure.

Dog: I do believe I just overheard a sound which was concerning.

Me: What?

Dog: I do believe I just ensured your safety with my attentiveness. I would greatly appreciate being compensated with a delicious item of indulgence for doing so.

Me: Um, okay (tosses treat).

Dog: My feelings for you are strong. I very much enjoy our relationship.

Me: I Love You Too.

Dog: Thank you kind sir. Will you now allow me the opportunity to relieve myself outside of our residence?

Me: Sure

(let’s dog out)

30 seconds later…

Dog: Pardon me sir, may I re-enter the residence?

Me: Make up your mind.

Dog: I have decided my time would better spent inside near you.


Or at least I think it’d go a little something like that…

What do you think your dog would say to you?

This has been another random thought from the mind of Marty

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