Game shows like “Who Wants to be a Millionaire” kick you off the show for getting an answer wrong,  but on Wheel of Fortune, I’ll at least have a chance with my well thought out guesses…


It’s going to be so much fun when I go on Wheel of Fortune, but I can’t help but wonder if they have security on set. I’ll pretty sure there’s a good chance they’ll forcibly remove me because of my warped entertainment weirdness.

Here’s my plan:

Me: Pat, I’d like to solve the puzzle.

Pat Sajak: Marty, you haven’t spun the wheel yet.

Me: I don’t care Pat. Is the answer RHINOCEROS?

Pat Sajak: Umm, no Marty, the answer is not rhinoceros (as Vanna White stares blankly at me). The category is “Famous People”.

Each time it’s my turn, it’ll be the same thing:

Me: Pat, I’d like to solve the puzzle.

Pat Sajak: Marty, do realize if you don’t spin the wheel you don’t get any money ?

Me: Is the answer RHINOCEROS?

Pat Sajak: No Marty, it’s not. And the category is still “Famous People”. And there are four words in the puzzle.

Sure, I may lose that round, but what if the category was “Things You Find in a Zoo”?

See, you were thinking my plan was really stupid, but it’s not so stupid now, is it?

But if I am removed from the set of Wheel of Fortune in handcuffs or a straitjacket, there’s always Price is Right…

Drew Carey: Alright Marty, how much do you think the showcase is worth?

Me: One MILLION dollars (said in a classic Austin Powers voice)

Drew Carey: Really? Is that what you want to go with?

Me: Okay then, ONE HUNDRED BILLION DOLLARS (still said in an Austin Powers voice)

Drew Carey: ((sigh))

And Jeopardy is on my list too…

Alex Trebek: Marty, you were the first to buzz in. Do you have the question?

Me: Alex, I’d like to phone a friend…

Alex Trebek: I’m sorry Marty, that’s a different game show. The correct response is “what is a rhinoceros”.

The networks will thank me for the amazing ratings they’d receive. And if nothing else, I’d at least leave with some great parting gifts and fond memories.

Marty