Game shows like “Who Wants to be a Millionaire” kick you off the show for getting an answer wrong, but on Wheel of Fortune, I’ll at least have a chance with my well thought out guesses…
It’s going to be so much fun when I go on Wheel of Fortune, but I can’t help but wonder if they have security on set. I’ll pretty sure there’s a good chance they’ll forcibly remove me because of my warped entertainment weirdness.
Here’s my plan:
Me: Pat, I’d like to solve the puzzle.
Pat Sajak: Marty, you haven’t spun the wheel yet.
Me: I don’t care Pat. Is the answer RHINOCEROS?
Pat Sajak: Umm, no Marty, the answer is not rhinoceros (as Vanna White stares blankly at me). The category is “Famous People”.
Each time it’s my turn, it’ll be the same thing:
Me: Pat, I’d like to solve the puzzle.
Pat Sajak: Marty, do realize if you don’t spin the wheel you don’t get any money ?
Me: Is the answer RHINOCEROS?
Pat Sajak: No Marty, it’s not. And the category is still “Famous People”. And there are four words in the puzzle.
Sure, I may lose that round, but what if the category was “Things You Find in a Zoo”?
See, you were thinking my plan was really stupid, but it’s not so stupid now, is it?
But if I am removed from the set of Wheel of Fortune in handcuffs or a straitjacket, there’s always Price is Right…
Drew Carey: Alright Marty, how much do you think the showcase is worth?
Me: One MILLION dollars (said in a classic Austin Powers voice)
Drew Carey: Really? Is that what you want to go with?
Me: Okay then, ONE HUNDRED BILLION DOLLARS (still said in an Austin Powers voice)
Drew Carey: ((sigh))
And Jeopardy is on my list too…
Alex Trebek: Marty, you were the first to buzz in. Do you have the question?
Me: Alex, I’d like to phone a friend…
Alex Trebek: I’m sorry Marty, that’s a different game show. The correct response is “what is a rhinoceros”.
The networks will thank me for the amazing ratings they’d receive. And if nothing else, I’d at least leave with some great parting gifts and fond memories.
Written by Marty Augustine, future game show champion.
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Marty is a writer and comic genius based in Kansas City. If you enjoyed this article, be sure to follow for more fun articles AND don’t forget hit that “like” button. Feel free to share it with everyone, even total strangers you just met.
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