Game shows like “Who Wants to be a Millionaire” kick you off the show for getting an answer wrong, but on Wheel of Fortune, I’ll at least have a chance with my well thought out guesses…
It’s going to be so much fun when I go on Wheel of Fortune, but I can’t help but wonder if they have security on set. I’ll pretty sure there’s a good chance they’ll forcibly remove me because of my warped entertainment weirdness.
Here’s my plan:
Me: Pat, I’d like to solve the puzzle.
Pat Sajak: Marty, you haven’t spun the wheel yet.
Me: I don’t care Pat. Is the answer RHINOCEROS?
Pat Sajak: Umm, no Marty, the answer is not rhinoceros (as Vanna White stares blankly at me). The category is “Famous People”.
Each time it’s my turn, it’ll be the same thing:
Me: Pat, I’d like to solve the puzzle.
Pat Sajak: Marty, do realize if you don’t spin the wheel you don’t get any money ?
Me: Is the answer RHINOCEROS?
Pat Sajak: No Marty, it’s not. And the category is still “Famous People”. And there are four words in the puzzle.
Sure, I may lose that round, but what if the category was “Things You Find in a Zoo”?
See, you were thinking my plan was really stupid, but it’s not so stupid now, is it?
But if I am removed from the set of Wheel of Fortune in handcuffs or a straitjacket, there’s always Price is Right…
Drew Carey: Alright Marty, how much do you think the showcase is worth?
Me: One MILLION dollars (said in a classic Austin Powers voice)
Drew Carey: Really? Is that what you want to go with?
Me: Okay then, ONE HUNDRED BILLION DOLLARS (still said in an Austin Powers voice)
Drew Carey: ((sigh))
And Jeopardy is on my list too…
Alex Trebek: Marty, you were the first to buzz in. Do you have the question?
Me: Alex, I’d like to phone a friend…
Alex Trebek: I’m sorry Marty, that’s a different game show. The correct response is “what is a rhinoceros”.
The networks will thank me for the amazing ratings they’d receive. And if nothing else, I’d at least leave with some great parting gifts and fond memories.
Marty
