All you think about when you’re young is growing up, but when you’re grown up, all you want is to be is young again.
You can’t wait to turn 18 when you’re a kid. Once you make it to 18, you can’t wait to turn 21. But after that, what else is there to look forward to in life? There aren’t really any good milestones except maybe 25 when you can get a discount on your car insurance. But what if you don’t drive?
I think 25 was a good age for me. I was an adult (by definition), but I was still young enough to do “younger people” stuff. After 30, it was all downhill. 35 sucked too. Then 40 came, and it sucked too. Now I’m in that place where I’m just the creepy old guy to the younger generation, but I’m not old enough to be a real “old” guy. Everybody always tells me I’m still young, but I don’t feel like it. I’ve lived a good life, but the fact is, I don’t want to grow up.
Getting old sucks.
I know it’s inevitable, but it doesn’t mean I have to accept it.
I have friends my age who are grandparents. That makes me so uncomfortable to even think about. I am WAY too young to be a grandpa. I don’t think there is an age requirement to be a grandpa, but it’s no age anytime soon for me. Even the thought of me dating someone who has grand kids creeps me out. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
That’s not going to happen.
I suppose if my own kids have kids it’s probably different, but that thought also makes me say NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! No time soon please. I don’t even want my dog to have puppies. That’d make me feel old too.
I’m beginning to understand the concept of a mid life crisis, but that stresses me out too because that means I have to acknowledge the fact that I’m in mid life. I think you know how that makes me feel: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
When people see me eating Apple Jacks, riding my BMX bike and hanging out at the video arcade playing Ms. Pac Man, it’s not because I have no life (well, maybe a little). It’s because I refuse to grow up. If I refuse to grow up, maybe the whole thought of “Age ain’t nothing but a number” will hold true.
Maybe getting old won’t suck as much if I refuse to grow up.
Marty Augustine is a Kansas City based writer and entertainer.
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