Unfortunately, I was an unwilling participant in this self imposed game. While it was annoying first, it actually ended up being sort of fun in a sick and twisted way.
Back around the year 2000 I auditioned to be a contestant on the TV game show The Weakest Link. I obviously was the weakest link in the tryout pool because I wasn’t picked. Since then, I’ve always wanted to go on the Price is Right or another fun game show, but it hasn’t worked out yet. However, I was invited to participate in a game I didn’t choose to be a part of. This interactive game I was thrust into in the comfort of my own home wasn’t nearly as fun as winning cash and prizes on network TV.
We’ve all had a time where a funky smell lingered in our home, but there was usually an obvious reason. Rotten food left out, garbage, stinky clothes, or pet stains on the carpet are the usual culprits for most people, but not for me. My story began when I woke up to a fine odor of death on a recent Tuesday morning. How do I know it was death? Because once you smell death (whether it’s human or animal), there is no other smell like it.
The first thing I checked was myself (it seemed like a logical thing to do at the time), but this was a different smell from what I normally reek of. This was far more pungent, and seeing as how I was smelling myself, I guessed I was still alive.
The next stop was the dog. After sniffing him to make sure he was still alive (which he was), I moved on to the bathroom, but there was nothing abnormal there (beyond the already present abnormal). As I meandered through my house, the odor was ever present, but elusive. I couldn’t find it. I left for work at least reassured the living inhabitants of my home were safe and there were no random bodies left in my basement (it could happen). As I went about my day, I had long forgotten the scents in my house.
When I returned home that evening, I was reminded of what I’d forgotten when I was greeted with a burly blast of something decomposing as I opened the door. It should be noted all the windows were closed when I left the house, my air conditioning was off and there were no fans in motion. Pure joy! I continued to look around furiously for the next few days, finding nothing more than a couple of socks, my TV remote and a few dust bunnies. All I could do was run my air purifier constantly to make my home habitable at least, while I hoped the natural decomposition process would take it’s course in an expedient manner (aka: dry up sooner than later).
But alas, the weekend came.
While I should’ve been sleeping in or watching classic Saturday morning cartoons, I decided to clean my kitchen. I was cleaning my oven when something told me to pull out the drawer beneath. To my surprise, I won the grand prize on What’s That Smell…
It was a mouse who was stuck between the drawer and the oven side wall.
How it got stuck in that position, I’ll never know, nor do I really care. I was just very excited I found the source of the smell. And yes, I had opened the drawer previously and didn’t see anything because it was wedged way in the back on the rails, out of sight. I had also pulled out the oven to look behind and under it with no luck. Had I not decided to clean up crumbs that morning, who knows how long it would have been there. Go me.
Best story ever, right?!?
What smelly dead things have you found in YOUR house?
Hit the comments and let me know…
As I always say, my goal is not to win a Nobel Prize for my writing.
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