Is hoarding toilet paper really America’s COVID-19 emergency plan? While the rest of the world is working hard to purify and sanitize, American’s are worried about wiping their butts.

March 12th, 2020 was a game changer (pun intended) in American history. The NCAA March Madness basketball tournaments were cancelled, as was the NBA season (no big loss there), the NHL, pro soccer, and BASEBALL (but the pro golf tour will will still happen, thank goodness). Disney announced they’re closing their parks to be safe.

Schools decided to no longer hold in-person classes, and all after school events and sports activities were cancelled too. The worst part of it all was the new Fast & The Furious movie release  (FF9) was postponed for a year until 2021.

As I mentioned in a previous article, we’re watching modern society crumble, simply because people don’t wash their hands.

A few days prior, I wrote about how there was a confirmed COVID-19 case in my town. Life was normal. Then on 3/12/2020, the big city Mayor declares a state of emergency and panic ensues, making my town just like the rest of nation. I had optimism that my area was smarter than that, but I was proven wrong.

Once again, rather than there being a haste to buy soap, disinfectant or cleaning products, the masses chose to buy toilet paper, clearing the shelves of every store.

People are even stealing toilet paper from public restrooms.

Maybe this is a test by the government to see how we’d respond to something big…

Sorry to say, but it’s an EPIC fail.

Just imagine if there was a real threat to our nation, like zombies, nuclear war, an impending asteroid strike, or a true bio-attack. If something bigger happened, I’m pretty sure you’d ALL be dead. But at least you’d have a shiny clean booty, right?

I’m still not worried about getting sick, and I’m definitely not worried about running out of toilet paper. Why? Because I’m smart enough to know in a worst case scenario I can use paper towels, tissues or baby wipes, because they all work just as good (duh).

For the record, the store shelves are full of all of those.

While ridiculous, there may be some validity to concerns of shortages and maybe even store closings in the future, but there are far more important supplies to worry about than toilet paper if you’re going to get quarantined for two weeks, or if there are no stores.

As for a crisis, sorry America. You did this to yourself.

Get your head out of your butt…

~ Marty ~


Marty Augustine - Writer, Author, Entetrtainer

The man who thinks beyond the booty…

If you enjoyed this article, hit that “like” button.

Subscribe for more!