Seeing how the latest form of government intrusion dictates I must wear a mask, I may as well have some fun with it.

On my daughter’s first day of high school, I said I was going to dress up like Batman and stand outside of the school waiting for her at dismissal. I thought her friends would think it was cool. I didn’t actually do that (though I should have), but I’ve always been fond of Batman and I always wanted to have a Batman suit. I just never saw the need.

Flash forward to now.

I’m told I have to wear a mask.

I don’t want to wear a mask.

Then the light bulb came on.

Nobody said what kind of mask I have to wear…

I realize now I DO need a Batman costume.

Why Batman? Because Spider Man is a little extreme, and frankly, it would just be a bit weird walking around in a Spider Man mask (unless you’re in New York City, or you’re 5 years old, then I guess it might be normal). But Batman is, well, BATMAN. I could totally get into that. 

It could be worse. When the whole covid crap started and everyone was wearing masks, my first thought was to do something like the picture below.

Wouldn’t it be fun and festive to go to the grocery store like this?

A trip to the local store is often uneventful, but think of the jolly times you’d have with a masquerade mask! It’d be so mysterious and classy! You’d be abiding by the recommended guidelines to have a mask, AND you’d be making an elegant fashion statement!

If you’re wondering, YES, I would totally do this.

Why?

Why not?

I generally get bad anxiety when I wear a mask, but a Batman mask would empower me. I’d not only fight covid, but I could also fight the forces of evil as a super hero. Wouldn’t that be awesome?

I get the reasons why we’re told to wear masks, but let’s face it, the whole thing is ridiculous. We walked around without masks for a long time before covid and we were all exposed to a joyous variety of communicable diseases that were far more contagious. We shook hands, we hugged, we even sat closer than 6 feet from each other, and we made out with random people behind the dumpster at Denny’s (didn’t everyone?). Thinking back to the not so distant past is crazy, isn’t it?

I’m not a doctor (at least not legally in the US), but mark my words; there is something worse coming. If we sanitize everything constantly and wear masks and gloves everywhere, human immune systems will eventually be weakened. As soon as the next novel bug comes along, it’s going to devastate humanity even worse than covid (but maybe that’s the plan). Your body needs to be exposed to things to build up a tolerance. 

I know covid is sort of real (only sort of), and I know there are people more susceptible to disease than others, but they are the ones who need to wear masks, not me. Health care workers in medical settings should wear N95 masks. Me, I need a Batman mask. And, I need a t-shirt that says, “I don’t have covid”, for when I’m not wearing a mask (because I really don’t – I’m immune). For the record, I’ve already started production on my shirts, so don’t steal my idea.

I am not legally permitted to offer my medical or legal advice on this matter, so please do not construe the above as such. Draw your own conclusions. You can go along with everyone else on the misleading path of blind societal obedience, or you can join me and have some fun with it all.

I already laid claim to the Batman masks, but there are other options out there for you. Batman needs a sidekick, so you can be Robin, or Bat Girl, or maybe Wolverine. Heck, you can be a Ninja Turtle or the Lone Ranger. Or just paint your face green like the Hulk. I don’t care. Just have fun with it and poke fun at the stupid world we’re living in. 

~ Marty ~

Am I horribly insensitive? Maybe. But I’m entertaining at least.

Disclaimer: In case you haven’t figured it out from reading any of my other articles, I am a satirical writer. If you’re offended by this, first of all, I don’t care, second, lighten up!